Caution: Ejaculation May Cause Pregnancy
Update: A new legal framework for abortion services in Northern Ireland was introduced in March 2020. The Abortion (Northern Ireland) Regulations now allows safe access to abortion without the fear of prosecution.
I wrote this article back in 2019 in response to America’s abortion bans. While Northern Ireland finally acknowledged women have human rights, America heads further into Handmaids territory.
A Texas law went into place on Wednesday banning most abortions. Other states — including Georgia, Mississippi, Kentucky and Ohio have also passed “heartbeat laws” – which ban abortion once cardiac activity can be detected on an ultrasound scan.
However, the Texas law is the most restrictive in the country with a near complete ban on abortion. The law makes no exception for rape or incest, and medical abortions come with a set of extremely narrow exceptions.
Under the Texas law, a woman would have about two weeks from missing a period to recognise her condition, confirm the pregnancy with a test, make a decision about how to manage the pregnancy and obtain an abortion.
And before you say that’s America, this doesn’t affect me.
If you are a women or a person with a womb, this affects you, wherever you live. No one is safe until we are all safe.
So, unless you’ve been living in a cave, you should all be aware of what’s going on in America and its various States rolling out abortion bans.
But before you tut in disgust at America; you’d do well to remember there are hundreds of countries where abortion is still illegal. Including here in the UK, with Northern Ireland (and the Republic of Ireland, until last year) having some of the strictest abortion laws in the world. Terminations are currently illegal in all but exceptional medical or mental health circumstances with no provision for rape, incest or foetal abnormality. People accessing or assisting abortion face life imprisonment, with several instances of women being criminalised in recent times. With reports of local police forces harassing pro-choice campaigners, raiding homes and workplaces.
The UN has stated the NI abortion laws are “tantamount to torture.” Kate Gilmore Deputy High Commissioner for Human Rights said it was a form of ‘gender-based violence’ and ‘unconscionable’ that women face life imprisonment for having a termination, even in cases of rape. Further adding, that worldwide there was a terrifying attack on women’s rights, spurred on by extremist forces. And don’t think this doesn’t affect you. Last year, to remain in power, the Conservative Party merged with the Democratic Unionist Party, the ruling party in NI and one full of archaic, bible bashing bigots. Theresa May signed up knowing the DUP’s stance on abortion and human rights. Between Brexit and a political party in disarray; never say never, in the end, it’s power over people.
Shout Your Abortion
I had an abortion, I’ve also used the Morning After Pill and had a D&C after a miscarriage. Although I have never discussed my abortion before, I feel no guilt or shame in talking about it; it was without hesitation the right decision for me at the time, and I have absolutely no regrets. If this changes your opinion of me, so be it, it’s not
And these laws
I’ve read plenty about theological racism, misogyny, anti-LGBTQ+ stance and white male world view. It there to be seen in the evangelical’s support of Trump or sectarian right wing politics of the DUP. So, before the Catholic zealots and Christian fundamentalists go lighting torches and prepare to burn me at the stake, check your morals first. Save your pious, hypocritical morality because we all know, deep down this has fuck all to do with the cause; and everything to do with race, privilege and sexual ethics. The criminalisation of women’s bodies is indicative of a long term global strategic assault; it’s crystal-clear; this ban has nothing to do with the sanctity of life.
There’s no conversation to be had with anyone who can justify forcing an 11-year-old girl to give birth after she was raped. If all lives matter, why do I rarely see them protesting the toddlers and children torn from their parents and held in cages at detention centres? When the US has the worst rate of maternal deaths in the developed world; permits child marriage and exonerates rape (if the rapist marries the victim). Or charges for birth control, but dishes out viagra for free.
Foster systems are in crisis, with hundreds of thousands of children in care. Climate Change deniers are content to watch the planet burn. A country that places more value on NRA funding and the right to bear arms. If life begins at conception? Where’s your placards and banners outside the fertility clinics that dispose of viable, unused embryo’s? And those embryo’s? Let me refer you to the ‘Heart Beat‘ bill.
The misleadingly termed and inaccurate ‘Heartbeat Bill’ would prohibit abortion after the sixth week of pregnancy. At six weeks, most women don’t even know they are pregnant, because at six weeks pregnant=two weeks late on your period. Plus periods can be late for a myriad of reasons other than pregnancy. This legislation is not only scientifically flawed but sadistic in its cruelty. There is nothing virtuous about forcing a woman to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term; it’s abhorrent.
Bodily autonomy is a human right and forced birth grants, women, fewer rights than those of a dead body. They govern without the first clue about female biology, other than what they want from it. And they’ve said some crazy ass shit, to back it up. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. Whatever, the jokes on us because they’re the ones making the rules. The perversity of governments that excuse sexual violence yet prohibits a woman aborting a pregnancy borne of rape or incest. It’s a legacy of entitlement and abuse; it’s difficult not to see forced birth extremism as an extension of rape culture. If one wants to see what happens when a country bans abortion, look no further than Romania. Try forgetting the horrific footage of unwanted, haunted, silent children living amongst squalor and filth in the hundreds of orphanages created during Ceausescu’s brutal regime.
Banning abortion won’t stop it happening, a history of back street abortions, coat hangers and women drinking bleach tell us that. Bans will harm the most vulnerable in society, specifically poor people and people of colour. Furthermore, criminalising abortion takes away women’s autonomy, but that’s the whole point. Because reproductive health care is sexual freedom, it allows women to cut the ties that bind us to the kitchen sink; thus offering greater opportunities for impoverished, disadvantaged and ethnic minorities to rise up and break free from oppression.
Want to reduce or stop abortion? Then tackle unwanted pregnancies.
Appreciate it’s simplified, but, women can only get pregnant about two days each month, and only for a limited number of years. That makes 24 days a year women could get pregnant. Men, however, can inseminate 365 days a year. Furthermore, a man who ejaculates multiple times a day? You guessed it. In theory, if he hits it right, a man could cause
So this looks like a job for me, cause we need a little controversy, why don’t men get a vasectomy, it’s far less painful than an IUD.
Not fancy the snip? Then let’s talk condoms and birth control. Oh sorry, I forgot, most men Don’t. Like. Condoms. And the Catholic Church forbids them. Why, when it’s a no-brainer? Because contraception and abortion decouple sexuality from procreation. So what about the male contraceptive? Trials of the drug were run but halted after the men complained about the myriad of side effects. Yeah, fucking tell us about it! Society doesn’t seem to mind if women suffer physically or mentally, as long as it makes things easier for men.
Speaking of easy, we all know men can jizz it up with a get out of jail free card. However, newsflash, the onus doesn’t have to lie with us to not get pregnant. We can challenge the status quo and demand men to step the fuck up. Despite the fact, a man’s orgasm should come with the health warning Caution: Ejaculation May Cause Pregnancy. There are a whole lot of stuff people can do with their genitals, alone or with others, that’s sexually gratifying and doesn’t result in pregnancy. So, no wanty baby, no spunky in the vajajay. Use your imagination or nip that boner in the bud instead.
When life gives you lemons, masturbate
Plus, men cannot orgasm without ejaculation. Well, there is what they call a ‘dry’ one, but that doesn’t sound like much fun. Us, on the other hand, can have multiple orgasms, with or without a partner and never get pregnant. The female orgasm has nothing to do with fertility or pregnancy. And no decent orgasm convo is complete without talking about the unique and wondrous clitoris. The only known body part designed for the sole purpose of pleasure.
Made up of 18 distinct parts with more than 8,000 nerve endings (double that of a penis) which are more concentrated than those in the tongue. And despite what Freud wrote, does not require a penis or penetration for stimulation or orgasm. It’s much like an iceberg, with the magical stuff happening below the surface. The body of the clitoris wraps around the vaginal tunnel, with the nerve endings extending out to the thighs.
We are the grandchildren of the witches you couldn’t burn
Studies show that abortion rates drop dramatically where access to contraception is free and accessible. But scratch just under the surface, and one will see that the obsessive religious pre-occupation with abortion is actually about controlling women’s sexuality. They seek to dominate what they don’t understand, and a women’s sexual independence is the thing they want most to control.
I’ve said it before; men have always feared the power of the V. History tells us so, doctor’s advocated the removal of the clitoris to cure mental illness such as depression and schizophrenia, or as a way of curbing a woman’s unnatural ‘desires’. The horrific practice of female genital mutilation is nothing new. In ancient times, the Church called the clitoris the ‘Devil’s Teat’, and women who actively pursued sex were considered witches. The witch trials, a perfect example of the war against women, one that is still raging today.
Because we live with a culture of shame surrounding female sexuality and the villainisation of female pleasure; women have never truly discovered the power of the clitoris. All because the patriarchy has convinced everybody a woman’s place is under his eye. It’s depressing to read that one in ten women (guaranteed it won’t be the same for men) have never had an orgasm but will have faked one. I know I did when I was young and naive. Well, I’m not that girl anymore. Want to stop unwanted pregnancies and abortion? Masturbate. Men have been doing it since they first discovered their dicks, and they don’t even have the excuse of a clitoris!
It won’t get you pregnant. You can do it on your own. Or teach a partner where it’s at. Orgasms release endorphins, helping to reduce stress and anxiety and aid sleep. They promotes the release of collagen, thus reduces the signs of ageing. You can always spot those that don’t wank, the lined, pinched frustrated look gives it away every time. Or rename your clitoris, golf ball, because at least then he’ll go looking for it 😉
Jokes aside, it genuinely helps you get your glow on, and a wank is way cheaper than a jar of La Prairie or a jab of Botox. An orgasm burns approx a 120 calories, so the fun of eating a kit-kat but without the gym membership. Seriously, what are you waiting for?
Talking of Cunts
In discussing abortion, I refuse the narrative of shame and condemnation society places on our shoulders. Simply because I chose what was best, the patriarchy would have me punished for having sex and not apologising for it. Even as a naive terrified teenager, I knew what I chose would choose the rest of my life. And my heart breaks for all those that never or may never get that choice.
Across the globe, not just America, men like them, make the decisions about OUR bodies. Until anyone of them can become pregnant and shit the equivalent of breeze block sideways, they can all fuck off. When I consider the injustice and inequality of a women’s lot; or when I look at those men, I must rage against the machine.